Parenting is hard. Specifically, being a mother to my daughters is hard! Amidst the bickering of siblings, the defiant attitudes, the fights over mealtimes and what clothes to wear, it can be hard to remember that it’s not all bad.
Some days I have to remind myself that I wanted this journey – it took 2 years of infertility drugs and two miscarriages to get the two beautiful daughters that I have. I can’t run out when the going gets tough when I worked so hard to have kids.
Sometimes I lament the fact that I developed severe endometriosis and adenomyosis, leading to the removal of my uterus, fallopian tubes and one of my ovaries. I will NEVER have more kids. Most days I am perfectly fine with that, as I question my ability to handle the two I have. But sometimes it hurts to know that choice has been taken from me.
Being a mommy has it’s highs and lows – and sometimes it seems like the lows outweigh the highs. In those instances, I have to sit back and think of the times when my kids made me so happy that my heart swelled to the point of bursting.
Like the time that my youngest, who was about 18 months old at the time, looked up at me when I finished tying her shoes and said, “I love you so much Mommy!” It was the first time she had ever told anyone she loved them. My heart hurt from the sheer joy of hearing those words.
Or the day, just last week, when my oldest daughter (who is 8) was sick with Strep throat. Daddy and her sister went on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart, leaving us with some very uncommon mother-daughter time. My oldest is a Daddy’s Girl and rarely wants to hang out with me. But we sat on the couch and cuddled under a blanket with a cat in our laps and laughed together over episodes of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
I also love to hear my girls sing. Not at a concert or in front of everyone, but in those moments when they are quietly playing with toys and I suddenly hear them singing a song I didn’t even realize they knew the words to. Or when I break out my Amazon playlist and sing along while we dance in the living room until we’re tired and out of breath.
I take pride in their accomplishments and whenever my oldest steps out to do something new for the first time, it never ceases to bring tears to my eyes. Like the first time she went on an amusement park ride all by herself. Or the first time she got up in front of the church and sang her first solo.
While they may be far and few between, the moments when they remember to hang up their coat or put their shoes away or be helpful in some other way without me asking – those are the times I smile and say thank-you and breathe a sigh of relief. Somewhere inside, they are getting the messages I try to teach.
So yes, mamas, motherhood can lead you to the brink of insanity. But when you think you’re about to slip over the edge, take time to remember those moments that make it all worth it. Remember those times when you just wanted to wrap them in your arms and hold them tight and never let them go.